Punky and his hero, Andy Hunter. Look at Punky's beaming smile... he talked about meeting Andy Hunter for days. He's still carrying around that autographed CD everywhere. Cute.

Mike Pilavachi was one of my favorite General Session speakers. While he talked, Andy Hunter did the DJ thang under his message. It was cool. And Mike is so engaging.

Ted and Lee... another drama team. Very good.

Punky and David Crowder. No one looks like Crowder.

We brought Punky to the Saturday night session so he could see David Crowder and Andy Hunter. This is him and me two-stepping to David Crowder's rendition of "The Dance." Very funny.

Carla Yaconelli interviews people in youth ministry each night... if you get pulled up on stage, usually that means YS is going to majorly bless you in some way. This couple gave up great jobs to go into full time ministry, so YS gave them all sorts of resources and a weekend away just to help them out. Very cool.

The Skit Guys. These guys were amazing. I went to their class on starting a drama team at your church, and it was superb. I can't wait to get started!

look at my sleepy face! It never left me during the conference.

tired but happy

I have intended to blog during the conference but there's just been no time!

It has been non-stop information overload, but it's been awesome. I'll post some pictures later.

David has been going to an intensive course with Doug Fields, the guru of youth ministry, and has been learning tons.

I have been to sessions on counseling teens, getting a drama ministry started, reaching kids way outside the church, and today I'm going to Steve Rabey's session on ancient mystics.

And now I'm outta time... I'll post the whole deal tonight.

Broken

I broke my fast today, as planned. God's grace is so beyond amazing. This fast went really quickly... and I didn't really struggle this time much, except for last night when I was making pizza for David and David and it smelled soooooooo good! I just had to pray through it. God sustained me.

So today, all I could think about was my Chipotle Corn Soup that I make every fall. I decided I'd break with that since it's soup... and I made homemade bread too. Yum. I am a happy camper.

This was good though. It's cool how God meets you and speaks when you are still enough to really listen. I learned a lot about prayer this time... I realized that I have become really timid in my prayer life... that's such a weak area in my busy world. But I was watching Joyce Meyer on Tuesday, I think, and she said something really profound yet very simple: she said, "Prayer allows us to be violent against the violence of Satan in our lives." I love that. She went on to say that he will do anything he can to stop us from praying -- distractions, making us sleepy, deceiving us into believing that our prayers really aren't all that effective, etc.

I feel that I have been lulled into sleep regarding prayer. It's always last on my list of things to do, and it should be first. "You have not because you ask not." Well, there ya go. My version of prayer for awhile has been "firecracker" style... sending up the quick little short prayers throughout the day when I need it or when I think of it. And those are okay, but I really feel like I need to make a concentrated effort to spend more quality time in prayer communing with God. It's a privilege.

Cranky

Things are going okay today... although I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up around 4 and couldn't go back to sleep until around 6. I hate this new trend. Anyway, I've had sort of an irritable morning... I've had to fight with literally every little thing just to get the simplest task done, and it's really annoying. Stupid stuff, like, I went out on the cliff to have some quiet time, and when I got out there, my book slipped off the chair and fell down the cliff to a place that's just out of reach. That kind of stuff. I'm sure it's all just meant to distract and annoy me.

And then there's homeschooling... that always starts my morning off in a really frustrating way. Right now, he would rather goof off than take school seriously, and I know, what do you expect from a 7-year-old? But getting into the habit of viewing me as teacher instead of mommy isn't coming easily. Every assignment is done with silly noises and goofy answers... reading from the reader in a silly voice, etc. I'm sure it will all fall into place with time, but for now, it's really stressing me out.

So I've had a rough day. We're going to see Van Halen tonight, so I'm hoping to sneak some time in for myself to be still and listen. Jesus, sustain me today. I need to hear Your voice.

Oh! I finished "White" last night, the third in the Ted Dekker circle trilogy. I loved all the books. I love Ted Dekker. The way he characterizes the heart of God for His people is beautiful. Ted has it all... action, suspense, mystery, philosophy, romance, you name it. It's great. I'm ready for the next adventure.

Okay, I'm outta here....

Back in the saddle

I haven't blogged here in awhile... it's hard enough to keep mind the gap going, and this blog is secondary, but I want to change that.

The Lord has called me to a fast this week... I've been feeling it for a couple of weeks, but sometimes, I've learned, you have to consult your calendar to make sure you choose a good week. Last week was bad... we were out and about too much, and I would have been merely "starving for Jesus" instead of truly drawing near and listening. Anyway, so that's why I want to start this blog up again, just to document for myself what I hear this week. I'm pretty sure no one reads this blog anyway, so it's all good.

Also, we are going up to Youth Specialties in a week or so, and I'm really looking forward to it. I want to try and blog about what happens that week too.

But back to the fast... I'm seeking God particularly on the issues of LJG and fasting for some breakthroughs in my marriage, but I also feel really burdened to pray each day for specific kids in our group. Cool things are happening there, and I am so excited to see what God is going to do in their lives.

I have been worried about the future of LJG. It's been so discouraging because we have this great CD and nowhere to put it. Opportunities are drying up. I am frustrated because we're going through the same old crap with Borders -- not getting paid, etc., and I just don't know if I have the energy to chase our money down every day. It's so draining as an artist. And yet, we have $20,000 to pay back to our investors, and I really want to make that happen asap. I hate having that over our heads. So my question for 2 years has been, "God, what are You doing?" He knew we would have to pay these folks back, and the Bible says to owe no man, so what is the purpose of this? Beyond that, I believe that He's called us to this music thing. LJG has opened up so many hearts and has given us a platform for Him, and I just can't imagine that it's all over. So why the 2 1/2 year holding pattern? We have a great record. A GREAT record. Why isn't it doing anything? Where do we take it? What are we supposed to do?

So my prayer is for wisdom, for fresh inspiration because I'm at the point where I just want to forget the whole thing, for a release in the spiritual realm to be about what God has called us to do.

And this verse came today as I was reading my Bible: "No unbelief or distrust made him [Abraham, who, a few verses before, it says was "human reason for hope being gone"] waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God." Romans 4:20

And so, if Abraham, who was human reason for hope being gone, could believe in the promises of God, so can I. If he was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, I believe that I will be, too.

Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet will I exult in the LORD
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet
And makes me walk on my high places.

For the choir director, on my stringed instruments.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

interesting article

The Internet Monk has an interesting article on how religious parents royally screw up their kids. Yeah, I know, but just read it. It's great. Particularly the part regarding hyper-insulating your kids from the real world (that's been a big beef of mine for a long time). Anyway, very balanced article. Worth the read.

Careful Unreasonableness

CAREFUL UNREASONABLENESS

"Behold the fowls of the air." . . . "Consider the lilies of the field." Matthew 6:26, 28

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars and the moon - all these are, and what a ministration they exert. So often we mar God's designed influence through us by our self-conscious effort to be consistent and useful. Jesus says that there is only one way to develop spiritually, and that is by concentration on God. "Do not bother about being of use to others; believe on Me" - pay attention to the Source, and out of you will flow rivers of living water. We cannot get at the springs of our natural life by common sense, and Jesus is teaching that growth in spiritual life does not depend on our watching it, but on concentration on our Father in heaven. Our heavenly Father knows the circumstances we are in, and if we keep concentrated on Him we will grow spiritually as the lilies.

The people who influence us most are not those who buttonhole us and talk to us, but those who live their lives like the stars in heaven and the lilies in the field, perfectly simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mould us.

If you want to be of use to God, get rightly related to Jesus Christ and He will make you of use unconsciously every minute you live.

Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest": May 18th.

Oh, Jesus, be my only Desire and Delight. Let my heart be enrapt by You alone.

Emerging Church

I'm reading "Emerging Worship" by Dan Kimball... I'm really intrigued by what he has to say and am exploring this Emerging Church movement and concept. This paragraph stuck out to me as I think about the current church and how it's not making disciples, which is what we have been commanded to do:

"If Jesus were to look at how we spend our time during the week and how we think, worry, and make plans regarding the weekly worship service, what would He say to us? How much time would Jesus spend sitting in an office designing a worship gathering? How much time would He spend on other aspects of spiritual formation and the mission of making disciples? These questions I think we need to ask in the emerging church if we are serious about making disciples."

Jesus said, "Go into all the world and make disciples...," not "Go into all the world and make really big worship services with great music and really hot Powerpoint and a hip worship team that sounds like Coldplay." That stuff is cool, but yes, our focus in the past century has been on the gathering, not on the discipling that should happen during the week.

Hmmm. I'm very interested in this as a new church leader. We'll see where this road leads.

I'm also delving into Reformed theology a bit more. I was raised with Armenian thought mostly, but there's a lot of the Reformation thought that I don't disagree with. I guess I'm just at a place where God is having me really nail down my doctrine, something I've always just taken for granted. There is so much that it's sometimes overwhelming, but it's also fascinating to me.

Summer

We had our first Wednesday with the new youth group tonight. I'm finding that I'm starting to get used to the whole "I'm a youth pastor's wife" idea..... we've got an awesome group of kids with some really great potential. I'm already seeing some leadership potential in several. And they have personality as a group, which is really cool. I'd rather have an energetic group than a bunch of kids that don't talk at all, and these guys and gals are definitely energetic. There's spiritual depth as well, which is great. I'm so excited to see what God is going to do here. I'm praying that this little group will be set on fire for Jesus, and that these folks will be the spark that sets off a revolution for God here in Pipe Creek. There's certainly the potential, and with prayer and passion and willingness, I know the Holy Spirit can and will do it.

Quotable

"When emotion pulsates, the mind becomes deceived and conscience is denied its normal standard of judgement." -- Watchman Nee

"I have a wonderful and terrible truth for you. We become like the object of our focus. If our focus is on our needs, we become more needy. If our focus is on the harm others have done to us, we become harmful and angry people. If our focus is on material things, we become grasping and needy. And, praise God, if our focus is on Christ, we become more and more like Him."
-- Beth Moore, from "Living Free"

I am on this wacky journey right now where God is trying to really break off of me my dependence on anything or anyone but Him. I have run for too long. I need Him every hour. I am a pitiful failure and a waste of oxygen when I do not rely on Him.

We are at the brink of some new things, and I am excited and apprehensive about the thought of laying hold of some of them. We are very close to accepting a position at a church as youth leaders as well as worship leaders, and the prospect really thrills us both... being able to go into full-time ministry... and yet it is very daunting because we don't have the degrees and the stuff that most youth pastors work years to attain. But I know that God is in control... and if it is His will for us to go and do this, He will equip us for the task.

Wow... our website is up. How cool is that?

I am looking forward to blogging here... this will be the more spiritual side of us... it will free me up and give me an avenue to express myself. A platform, if you will.

So we opened for 4Him Friday night. We had a blast. We couldn't have asked for a better crowd to play to (thank you!), and we met some really great folks after the show. It was such a fun night, and I felt God's presence so strongly there on the stage while we were playing. That was very cool.

I got to play guitar (!) for the first time in front of a big audience, something that was personally very fulfilling for me. I want to do it more.............

Test