Things are going okay today... although I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up around 4 and couldn't go back to sleep until around 6. I hate this new trend. Anyway, I've had sort of an irritable morning... I've had to fight with literally every little thing just to get the simplest task done, and it's really annoying. Stupid stuff, like, I went out on the cliff to have some quiet time, and when I got out there, my book slipped off the chair and fell down the cliff to a place that's just out of reach. That kind of stuff. I'm sure it's all just meant to distract and annoy me.
And then there's homeschooling... that always starts my morning off in a really frustrating way. Right now, he would rather goof off than take school seriously, and I know, what do you expect from a 7-year-old? But getting into the habit of viewing me as teacher instead of mommy isn't coming easily. Every assignment is done with silly noises and goofy answers... reading from the reader in a silly voice, etc. I'm sure it will all fall into place with time, but for now, it's really stressing me out.
So I've had a rough day. We're going to see Van Halen tonight, so I'm hoping to sneak some time in for myself to be still and listen. Jesus, sustain me today. I need to hear Your voice.
Oh! I finished "White" last night, the third in the Ted Dekker circle trilogy. I loved all the books. I love Ted Dekker. The way he characterizes the heart of God for His people is beautiful. Ted has it all... action, suspense, mystery, philosophy, romance, you name it. It's great. I'm ready for the next adventure.
Okay, I'm outta here....
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Monday, September 27, 2004
Back in the saddle
I haven't blogged here in awhile... it's hard enough to keep mind the gap going, and this blog is secondary, but I want to change that.
The Lord has called me to a fast this week... I've been feeling it for a couple of weeks, but sometimes, I've learned, you have to consult your calendar to make sure you choose a good week. Last week was bad... we were out and about too much, and I would have been merely "starving for Jesus" instead of truly drawing near and listening. Anyway, so that's why I want to start this blog up again, just to document for myself what I hear this week. I'm pretty sure no one reads this blog anyway, so it's all good.
Also, we are going up to Youth Specialties in a week or so, and I'm really looking forward to it. I want to try and blog about what happens that week too.
But back to the fast... I'm seeking God particularly on the issues of LJG and fasting for some breakthroughs in my marriage, but I also feel really burdened to pray each day for specific kids in our group. Cool things are happening there, and I am so excited to see what God is going to do in their lives.
I have been worried about the future of LJG. It's been so discouraging because we have this great CD and nowhere to put it. Opportunities are drying up. I am frustrated because we're going through the same old crap with Borders -- not getting paid, etc., and I just don't know if I have the energy to chase our money down every day. It's so draining as an artist. And yet, we have $20,000 to pay back to our investors, and I really want to make that happen asap. I hate having that over our heads. So my question for 2 years has been, "God, what are You doing?" He knew we would have to pay these folks back, and the Bible says to owe no man, so what is the purpose of this? Beyond that, I believe that He's called us to this music thing. LJG has opened up so many hearts and has given us a platform for Him, and I just can't imagine that it's all over. So why the 2 1/2 year holding pattern? We have a great record. A GREAT record. Why isn't it doing anything? Where do we take it? What are we supposed to do?
So my prayer is for wisdom, for fresh inspiration because I'm at the point where I just want to forget the whole thing, for a release in the spiritual realm to be about what God has called us to do.
And this verse came today as I was reading my Bible: "No unbelief or distrust made him [Abraham, who, a few verses before, it says was "human reason for hope being gone"] waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God." Romans 4:20
And so, if Abraham, who was human reason for hope being gone, could believe in the promises of God, so can I. If he was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, I believe that I will be, too.
Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet will I exult in the LORD
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet
And makes me walk on my high places.
For the choir director, on my stringed instruments.
Habakkuk 3:17-19
The Lord has called me to a fast this week... I've been feeling it for a couple of weeks, but sometimes, I've learned, you have to consult your calendar to make sure you choose a good week. Last week was bad... we were out and about too much, and I would have been merely "starving for Jesus" instead of truly drawing near and listening. Anyway, so that's why I want to start this blog up again, just to document for myself what I hear this week. I'm pretty sure no one reads this blog anyway, so it's all good.
Also, we are going up to Youth Specialties in a week or so, and I'm really looking forward to it. I want to try and blog about what happens that week too.
But back to the fast... I'm seeking God particularly on the issues of LJG and fasting for some breakthroughs in my marriage, but I also feel really burdened to pray each day for specific kids in our group. Cool things are happening there, and I am so excited to see what God is going to do in their lives.
I have been worried about the future of LJG. It's been so discouraging because we have this great CD and nowhere to put it. Opportunities are drying up. I am frustrated because we're going through the same old crap with Borders -- not getting paid, etc., and I just don't know if I have the energy to chase our money down every day. It's so draining as an artist. And yet, we have $20,000 to pay back to our investors, and I really want to make that happen asap. I hate having that over our heads. So my question for 2 years has been, "God, what are You doing?" He knew we would have to pay these folks back, and the Bible says to owe no man, so what is the purpose of this? Beyond that, I believe that He's called us to this music thing. LJG has opened up so many hearts and has given us a platform for Him, and I just can't imagine that it's all over. So why the 2 1/2 year holding pattern? We have a great record. A GREAT record. Why isn't it doing anything? Where do we take it? What are we supposed to do?
So my prayer is for wisdom, for fresh inspiration because I'm at the point where I just want to forget the whole thing, for a release in the spiritual realm to be about what God has called us to do.
And this verse came today as I was reading my Bible: "No unbelief or distrust made him [Abraham, who, a few verses before, it says was "human reason for hope being gone"] waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God." Romans 4:20
And so, if Abraham, who was human reason for hope being gone, could believe in the promises of God, so can I. If he was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, I believe that I will be, too.
Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet will I exult in the LORD
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds' feet
And makes me walk on my high places.
For the choir director, on my stringed instruments.
Habakkuk 3:17-19
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